


maybe i won't suffer

by outoftheam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Five Times, M/M, liam is an inconsiderate twat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-28 19:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outoftheam/pseuds/outoftheam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>four times liam kissed zayn and it meant nothing, and then one time it did</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe i won't suffer

i.

When you’re famous and on the cover of every magazine and it seems everyone wants a peek at your private life so you learn to act as if your life is perfect.

You don’t go out clubbing every night; you don’t break things and make a loud noise. And you especially don’t make fights.

Liam is proud to say he is quite good at staying under the radar. The same can’t be said for his four best mates.

He knows they don’t want to fuck up, nobody wants to do that.

But sometimes as he watches Harry return early in the morning from going out, his breath a mix of vodka and beer, a lipstick smudge on lips, he doesn’t believe they even try at all.

He knows Harry isn’t the type to be wild and out of control, that’s Niall’s job. So the next morning he makes Harry breakfast and then he doesn’t waste a minute before finding Niall and punching his arm – not enough for it to bruise.

“Oi, what was that for,” Niall mumbles, a hand weakly pushing Liam away from him.

“Why did you have to take Harry out drinking last night, we have rehearsals today!’

“Wasn’t my fault, Harry’s the one who wanted to go,” Niall staggered around his kitchen, pulling at draws and shoving cups into the sink.

“Well, you’re the one who most likely made him keep drinking.”

Niall turned around and smirked, “yeah I probably am, sorry Li.”

“Just…get yourself cleaned up, yeah? I’ll pick you up at 9,” Liam said, his lips turned up into some kind of smile. Niall nodded before going back to making his breakfast and Liam took that as a sign to leave.

He arrived back at his flat, got dressed and texted Louis and Zayn.  He picked up Harry then Niall, both boys had cleaned up fairly well. Spreading out over the back seat of Liam’s car and going over their conversations from last night.

They made their way through rehearsals for the new tour. Everything was coming together, the boys had every song practiced perfect now and there wasn’t many ‘dance moves’ to remember so luckily the worst of it was over. They finished up late that night, the boys saying their goodbyes and heading home separate ways.

Liam’s flat was two stories and had a look over the many skyscrapers in London. Each room was filed with his items from home and those he had collected from his trips around the world. It was neat in every room except his bedroom where he sheets were thrown everywhere and clothes littered the floor.

Harry lived across the road, Liam would be lying if he said they hadn’t had many ‘window talks’ after they both moved into their homes.

Even though he lived on his own now many of the shirts and jeans that filled his closet didn’t belong to him. There were Zayn’s black shirts and Louis colourful button ups that Louis had way to many of. A pair of Harry’s skinny jeans were folded and put near the back of his closest, probably never to be worn again. Niall’s football jersey was on full display on Liam’s coat hanger which he wore when he watched the football with the boys.

Most of the clothing was old, Liam had now grown too tall to fit into any other clothing other than Harry’s, but now Harry’s shirts and pants had gotten to big even for him.

The only thing Liam still fit into were a pair of Zayn’s white, scuffed converses that he wore regularly when he visited home and ventured out around London.

Liam shrugged of his jacket and ran his fingers through his short hair which was struggling to grow back. It was getting late and he knew there weren’t enough ingredients in his cupboards to make a satisfactory dinner so once again the option was takeaway.

He found his phone and was about to ring when the phone came to life in his hand.

“Hello?”

“Hey mate, come to get a drink?” Niall shouted down the phone line.

“Niall…”

“C’mon, rehearsals are over. You deserve to come have a pint!”

“Ah…fi--“

“Great! Zayn’s already on his way over,” Niall said triumphantly, hanging up immediately.  

Liam wanted a drink, he wanted to feel the ache in his head and the rush through his body. He knows it’s not the right thing to do, he wants to forget the reality right now that he was stuck in. It made him stupid, but brave.

Liam smiled to himself before changing into a new shirt and putting his thick jacket on and heading down to the front door to wait for Zayn. It was less than five minutes before a dark black car was pulling up.

“Niall, once again, has been able to persuade you,” Zayn said, cranking up the heat and turning the radio down so he could hear Liam reply.

Liam shook his head and smiled, still looking out at the traffic in front of them.

“Yeah well, he doesn’t put up a good argument. I just came to make sure you boys stay in line.”

Zayn huffed out a breathy laugh, “I’m sure you will, Li.”

The previous week Liam had taken his car back to his parents’ house knowing there is no use for it sitting in London next to his apartment. Zayn had driven him back and together they had listened to the countless song on Zayn’s ipod, most of which Liam didn’t know but now he became familiar with the beat playing through Zayn’s car speakers.

“Frank Ocean, yeah?”

“Hmm?”

“The song?”

“Oh yeah,” Zayn quickly looked across at Liam a closed smile on his lips, “didn’t think you would remember all the stuff I told you.”

“I’m better than you think,” Liam replied as they pulled into the car park across from a familiar club.

“You still cease to surprise me, Li.”

They headed across the road and into the club which still wasn’t at its max capacity, they quickly found Niall at the bar ordering, yet again, more drinks.

“Hey, you made it. Harry’s over there,” Niall said with a wave of his hand which could have meant many different directions. Liam looked around the room and found Harry tapping at his phone.

Liam headed over to him while Zayn waited at the bar. Harry looked up and flashed Liam a smile.

“Where’s Louis?”

“He went out with Eleanor, I think he had this dinner thing planned out and then they were going to see something fancy at the theatre.”

“Lucky bugger.”

It had been three weeks since Danielle and Liam had made the decision to split. And since then all the boys had been very cautious to mention anything about dating. Harry looked down knowing what he had accidentally done.

Liam still wasn’t alright, even though he tried his best to get over her he couldn’t help regretting the way things had ended. Liam looked up at harry who was bitting his lip and looking at Liam gingerly.

Liam sighed, “It’s alright Haz.”

Niall arrived with a pint in each hand and slammed them down on to the table a little bit too hard before planting himself on a stool next to Harry.

“Now boys, the match is on tomorrow night where are we heddin’?”

“Harry’s obviously, he has the biggest tv,” Zayn winked and sent a smirk towards harry. Harry groaned as Niall began to explain all the faults each team had and who he expected to win.

When Liam went for his fourth drink he looked across at Zayn who was still on his first he took a sigh of relief knowing he would make it home tonight.

He walked to the bar and ordered, Harry popping up behind him, “and for the person who didn’t want to come out tonight you’ve sure had a bit to drink.’ Liam handed over the money and picked up the drinks. “Hey Liam, wait. Is this about Danielle? Is that why you’re doing this?”

“I’m not doing anything,” Liam said with as much clarity as he could muster and walked back to their table.

“Drinking doesn’t help.”

“God, Harry I know that. I’m not upset, just drop it,” Liam said, his voice growing louder with each word. As soon as he sat down re felt guilty for blowing Harry off like that.

That night it was late when they finally decided to leave, Harry and Niall ended up taking a shared taxi home and Zayn took Liam back to his apartment.

They stumbled out of the club, coats tight round their bodies and hands stuffed into pockets. Liam could feel Zayn brush up against his side when he began slipping on the damp tar road.

Liam fell asleep as soon as they got into the car, his brain pounding on this inside of his skull and his stomach was threatening to come up every time Zayn turned a sharp corner.

“Zayn?” Liam said with a croaky voice.

“Yeah?”

“Sorry about, you know…drinking too much.”

“Liam, you don’t need to apologize. It was my idea to invite you out; I thought that’s what you needed,” Zayn said slowly and very quietly. “I should have realised you weren’t alright.”

It wasn’t long before they pulled into Liam’s driveway, Zayn turned the ignition off but made no move to leave yet.

“Am I crazy for still wanting to get back together with her?”

“No,” Zayn replied quickly.

Liam looked across at his friend and smiled, shuffling so he was sitting in a more upright position. He brought his hands up to rub at his eyes and drag through his hair.

He looked around outside the car, taking in the familiar sight. “I guess I better be off, thanks mate.”

He hands reached for the handle and he was about to step out when;

“Wait.”

Zayn’s voices made him twist back around to look back inside the car. And then he was being pulled into a vice tight hug; Zayn’s arms had wrapped around his shoulders and tucked his head into the other boys neck.

Liam went still; his head was fuzzy trying to process what to do next. As he pulled away, he stopped and he leaned forward, barely an inch and felt his lips brush against lips warm and soft. His eyes fluttered closed, and then he was pushing himself back and stepping out of the car, his eyes opening to see Zayn’s eyes following him cautiously, he mouth open as if about to say something.

Liam staggered to his door an opened it with a strong shove, he found himself leaning heavily on the closed door, his head tilting back as he let out a breathe listening to Zayn’s car drive away.

“Shit.”

                    

ii.

They had just arrived at another hotel in the middle of another city somewhere lost in the great expanse of America. Zayn had noticed the way Liam had kept to himself all day but blamed Liam’s actions on his of being tired.

The boys rushed inside their room, Louis unsurprisingly sharing a room with Harry. Niall invited him over for a drink, but he declined with the shake of his head.

He made his way to his room and collapsed on the uneven mattress, the only sound was that of the cars driving around the roads in the city around him.

They never talked about that night two months ago when Zayn had driven Liam home. The next day when Zayn saw the boys he was hesitant, still undecided about what he should do.

But it didn’t matter, Liam acted oblivious or as if it had meant nothing. Zayn was nervous about asking Liam, he was afraid of what Liam’s answer would be.

But they had travelled all around Europe and now they were in America and nothing had changed which Zayn was pleased about.

It was after their first show that Liam finally showed the first signs that he was finally over his split with Danielle. He had even been to see for lunch the day before they had left to go to the states.

Zayn ended up drifting to sleep, stuck in the clothes he had been wearing for almost two days. It was early when he woke up. The light had already begun to streak across the sky outside his window.

Zayn rarely had trouble sleeping the whole way through the night, but lately his had been waking up when the sky was still dark, his muscles tense and his back aching. He was left with a headache for the rest of the day. He hoped as soon as he went home his sleeping pattern would go back to normal.

That night they had yet again another concert, but thankfully no radio appearances scheduled until the next week.

Zayn tried changing out of his clothes and getting a few more hours sleep, but was unsuccessful. He showered and put one of his leather jackets on before escaping to the balcony to have a cigarette.

He had gone two months without one but had broken the night before for reasons Zayn still wasn’t sure about.

The air outside was cold and smelt like the city, but nothing like London. He lit the butt and took long drags, holing the cigarette between his thin fingers.

Louis was the one who knocked on his door at seven, a beanie covering his feathery hair, sockless feet impatiently jumping up and down in a pair of white converses.

“Hurry up Zayn, you’re worse than everyone.”

“Hey! I’ve gotten better; I think I’m down to ten minutes showers now.” Louis cocked his eye brow, but said nothing in response, “may I ask why you’re knocking on my door at this insane hour.”

“We’re going to see the city, of course.”

“Haven’t we been here before?”

“I’m not sure, but hey, it might have changed since last time.”

Louis grabbed Zayn’s sleeve, pulling him from his hotel room and down the corridor towards the lift.

Then exited the building from the underground car park coming up onto an empty service lane, “where to?” Louis asked looking at Zayn.

Zayn looked around before heading to the left. They walked a few blocks before hailing a taxi and travelling over the opposite side of the city where there was a river running past the shopping centre

They got coffee and Louis grabbed a handful of pastries from a bakery they found before heading back to the hotel. They entered back through the car park, walking up three levels before they found the elevator.

“Hey Zayn, I know you’ve been having trouble sleeping lately...I just, is everything okay?”

“How- how did you know?”

“We share a tour bus, it’s not that hard to hide. And I know you’re smoking again, you reek of it.”

Zayn looked at the small screen near the door, slowly counting the floor number they were on. The bright red digits began to make Zayn’s eyes hurt, and he could feel his headache coming back.

“Nothing’s wrong, just home sick, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis said as the elevator dinged and they stepped out together, “I think I need to go home too.”

Their security guards were hardly surprised to see the two boys arriving back, Louis and Zayn had often ventured out on their own without the decency to tell anyone.

After lunch all the boys and he member of their band headed to the stadium at which they were to perform that night. The crew were still in the process of rigging all the lights and stage when they arrived. They ran through a few sound checks making sure everything would go according to plan that night.

Even though Zayn had performed many times before, at this time a few hours before the show he began to get nervous. His stomach twisting into knots and he worried for the millionth time about forgetting his lyrics which he knew was impossible.

All the boys liked to separate themselves before the show, Zayn creped away to one of the changing rooms where he made a comfortable seat on one of the couches in the room and tried closing his eyes for a bit.

Someone told him a long time ago that he if he tried imagining what he was about to do it would make it easier for me, and sometimes he did but he couldn’t help but let his mind drift and then suddenly he was on stage and he forget he words and then the mics weren’t working.

He got up again and started pacing the room, a knock on the door made him freeze looking up to see who it was. “Zayn?” Liam’s head appeared in the doorway his eyes open in interest.

Liam stepped fully into the room, quietly closing the door behind as if he was afraid someone would hear him.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just pre-show nervous,” Zayn said giving out a breathy laugh.

“Oh same, I can leave if you want?” Liam asked, bitting on his bottom lip.

“No, it’s alright.”

Liam sat down in a chair near the door letting his feet spread out under the chair and locking his hands together in his laps, his eyes on the floor.

“I’m never good with this kind of thing. You’d think I’d be used to it by now…I just don’t want to let you guys down. God, this is one of those down sides to performing.”

“Liam, you’re going to be fine,” Zayn said, which made Liam lift his head and smile.

It wasn’t long before he and Liam decided it was time to get ready and he was being sat into a chair while one of the makeup team attended to his hair and his was putting on his jacket about to head to the stage.

They ran onto the stage as the lights lit up and the crowd screamed even louder. Zayn looked across at Liam who was singing the chorus in time with him and smiled.

They had an outfit change and then they were back, Harry yelling into the mic, “thank you so much, we love you!”

The last song they played was their hit single of their first album, which made the fans go crazy Zayn looked out at all the faces he would probably never see again, locking eyes with one girl in the front row and sending her a wink.

They rushed off stage, Zayn’s heart was still beating fast, a smile plastered on his face. Louis and harry came running past him, laughing resonant around them. Zayn looked behind at Liam who was fiddling with the cuffs of his shirts.

When he looked back around the other boys had disappeared through the door at the end of the small passage way.

“That was amazing,” Liam said beaming at Zayn.

“I reckon the best we’ve done so far,” Zayn replied eagerly.

His eyes scanned Liam’s quickly before sweeping over his face and landing on his lips, when he looked back at Liam he noticed the other boys eyes were down cast.

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Liam said, the words slipping out his mouth easily.

“I want you to.”

“No I mean I—” the rest of Liam’s sentence was lost in his throat as he surged forward and captured Zayn’s’ lips with his own.

Liam pushed Zayn back, pressing him to the wall, his hands coming up to grip at the front of Zayn’s shirt, his fingers tightening as he pressed himself impossibly closer.

Zayn didn’t know how to react; his arms were limp near his sides. Liam pulled back taking in a breath, Zayn  still unsure if he wanted this or not moved forward chasing Liam and then it was Zayn who kissed Liam this time.

It was Zayn who pushed away, stepping back from Liam as he stuttered, “we should go.” Liam nodded bring his hands up to wipe at his lips and followed Zayn.  

They collected their stuff from the change rooms and rushed to the bus past the mob of screaming girls, Louis gave Zayn an odd look as he passed. He found a seat near the back of the bus.

He couldn’t believe he kissed Liam back, he cursed under his breath as he moved further up the bus.

His sat near the window; one hand griped his leg trying to stop himself from bouncing it up and down while the other covered his mouth afraid he might say something.


End file.
